There is mail in my mailbox. I saw some of it poking out of the top of the mailbox today when I did a slow drive-by. But I can't get the mail. And I can't take down my Christmas decorations, either.
See, Sunday night I opened up the front door so I could go out on the porch and get the mail. When I opened up the storm door, a bird burst out of the Christmas wreath hanging there. I guess it was disoriented by the sudden light from the foyer, or because its cozy spot in the Christmas wreath became a mobile home when I swung the door open, but whatever the reason it flew straight at my head. We both flapped wildly about, the bird with its wings and I with my hands, both of us caught between the front door and the storm door while the poor bird tried to escape and I tried to keep it out of my hair and out of my house without squealing like a little girl. Did I mention this happened at about 1 a.m.? No? Well, it did, and nothing disrupts the peace and quiet of a National Register Historic District like one of the residents screaming like Tippi Hedren in "The Birds". I finally managed to shut the storm door and get back inside the house--without my mail, I might add.
Monday afternoon I again attemped to get my mail. It's not so much that I want to pay my bills as it is that I'm expecting a wallpaper sample and I really want to see what it looks like. I opened up the front door and was reaching for the handle of the storm door when I heard a scuffling noise. No way...But yes, the stupid bird was in the wreath again! There it was, hunkered down on the battery pack for the Christmas lights. Wow, it's not really a condor like I thought it was...it's just a little sparrow. I can take this bird. So I rapped on the glass. "Go away, bird!" I said. The bird gave me a look that clearly said, "Screw you, lady!" I picked up Louis Cat and put him eye-to-eye with the bird. In my mind, this is akin to Clint Eastwood racking a shotgun. Reality was a bit different. The bird did not budge. Louis did not notice the bird. Sigh...
So the wreath is still on the front door. The bird is still sitting in the wreath. And the mail is still in the mailbox.