My faith in humanity is lagging. Let me rephrase that. My faith in the intelligence of humanity is lagging.
Somehow in the chaos of the house I lost my Application for Certificate of Appropriateness (that's a fancy name for the application I filed to have the Historic Preservation Commission approve my paint colors) and with it, the date of HPC's next meeting. I thought I'd call City Hall and find out when it is. After all, HPC is a city agency so someone there should know, right? Wrong.
Me: When does Historic Preservation meet again?
Her: I have no idea.
Me: Oh. [pause] Could you find out?
Her: I lost Calendar Creator off my computer so I don't have any idea.
Me: Don't you have a city calendar with all the meetings listed?
Her: Yeah, that's what I lost off my computer.
Me: There's not another one anywhere?
Her: No.
Me: Ya know, they make these things now out of paper, they hang on the wall, you can write on them. It's called a calendar. Y'all should maybe buy one.
Then I tried to log on to my laptop to check the email I'd gotten from the Building Inspector. I thought maybe she'd put the date of the next meeting in her email. My laptop wouldn't connect to the internet. I suddenly had a sneaking suspicion this might have something to do with the phone call I made to the cable company earlier in the week, so I called them again.
Me: I called y'all earlier this week and asked if you could disconnect my cable but keep my internet, and now I don't have internet but I still have cable.
Her: Well, your tv will still work even without cable.
Me: Yes, but I wouldn't be getting HBO.
Her: So you want to cancel HBO?
Me: I want to cancel cable entirely.
Her: It looks like service to your residence was disconnected on Tuesday. Did you move?
Me: No. I tried to cancel cable and still have internet. That's all.
Her: Ma'am, I'm asking you if you want to cancel HBO.
Me: [saying the Serenity Prayer silently] Yes. Please cancel HBO. And the rest of my cable channels.
Her: So you want to cancel everything?
Me: Just cable. Not internet. I want internet. I do not want cable.
Her: So you want to cancel cable but keep internet?
Me: Yes. Exactly.
Her: We can do that for you.
Now I have neither cable nor internet at my house.